Application dating my teenage daughter
C: Referring to rapper Fiddy Cent as "Fifty Cents"? B: Asking my oldest daughter if that guy I saw her talking to yesterday at school was her boyfriend? This is about me winning Jeremy and humiliating Lacey so bad that she has to hide her face and move to the Northern territory and live with the bears, until one day she starts riding the bear like a pony and it gets so mad that it turns around and eats her and it eats so much of her face that it starts to look like Lacey and all the other bears point and laugh and say, "Ha! Bridget: Define "sexually active."Kerry: Do you want to be home schooled? I mean Dad's a terrible liar, and Jesus is gonna be sitting right there. Kerry: Mom, Fred Doyle is planning on having dinner with Dad and Jesus in Heaven? Kerry: Yeah but Dad's spent three years avoiding the Doyle's annual barbecue, how's he gonna get outta that? Jim: Oh, so you're scared about being away from your parents? Cate Hennessy: [reading Paul's last article] Okay readers, today we're having a little pop quiz, it's multiple choice, so sharpen your number 2 pencils and put your thinking caps on. Here's a quote: "Dad, you're an idiot." Now, contestants, this was said to me because of which of the following transgressions? Now do you know how many times I called my father an idiot? Because I know that whenever they insult me whether it's a "You're an idiot," "You're a geek," or an "I hate you," an "I love you" isn't far behind. Bridget hangs up the phone] Kerry: And don't tell Bridget this, but I'm really scared. And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no.
You know, when you grow up the eighth of nine kids, sometimes you can get lost in the shuffle. I can't trust a man who sneaks in my bedroom while I'm showering and plays with my stuff. Just like a certain ex-wife whose number I will not mention. No, no, that's neither here nor there, it's just... And Jesus isn't going to wanna back outta that dare! And my wife reassures me this is a good thing over and over and over, and she's always right. Well my house would be quieter, and I'd spend a lot less time in the bathroom, but no. Bridget: [to the tune of P-U-R-P-L-E, in the shower] Who's the girl with the pretty hair? Cate: Yeah and Fred going on about the difference between electric and gas powered weed whackers. Back then we didn't share our deep personal feelings, our deepest conversations usually revolved around the tigers bull pen. There's not a feeling that my kids are afraid to express over and over and over. [Kerry, listening to her, sighs and rolls her eyes] Bridget: [on the phone to Donny Doyle] You have reached Bridget's voice mail. Your face looks like Lacey's." Bridget: [in shower] Who's the girl with the great hair?